After I hang up her jacket she grabs my leash and leads me tomy room closing the door - putting me away. I am limited to two choiceswhen she puts me in my room before bedtime: I can stand at attention inthe center of the pink tiles, or I can sit at attention on a tall woodenstool placed over the center of the pink tiles. So I stand at attentionin the center of these fucking pink tiles until I get tired, then I siton my stool until it gets uncomfortable, then I stand until that getsuncomfortable. It can become quite exhausting if I'm put away for anextended period of time. I'm not allowed to move except to move my stoolback and forth. I stare at my bed thinking to myself I should just go laydown on it, or better yet leave my room...I'm a man!I look at pink and white princess blanket and think again about what Iam. I can't help but to look at the door; there's no fucking door knob!I look at the camera watching me, it never blinks, never looks away.So much control with so little effort.. I came and sat down with her. The movie had some erotic scenes in them. When the scenes started she got off and went inside her room. After a while I switched of the TV, and was retiring to my room upstairs. For a brief moment, I walked to my parents’ bedroom and went in without knocking. In the bedroom, I saw Ammi standing only in her bra and salwar in front of dressing table. She was wearing a white bra and an orange colour slawar. Her milky white boobs were protruding out of her bra. My jaw fell open seeing Ammi like that. I had never seen my Ammi in that way before. As soon as she saw me, she picked up her dupatta and tried to cover her nakedness. She looked at me for a brief moment. When she thought I was not moving and was just standing numb. She said, ‘Jao yahan se” (Go away from here). I realized and felt embarrassed and said, “Am sorry”, and I left the room. I went back to my room and locked the door from inside. I was going crazy thinking about Ammi, and pulled my jeans.
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